The Crazies in my Head!

I want to scream till my eardrums pop!
Take a baseball bat and break whats left of these walls in my head.
Drive at 120 miles an hour, into skies that break and cry from the storms. 
I want lightening to strike down on me, give me a buzz.
This calm is suffocating! 
I need chaos,
Havoc!
Lets start a riot!
Let there be loud voices and strong opinions,
Anything to wake me from this dullness.
Its a depression.
Connections aren't being made,
The synapses in my skull are disappearing one by one;
I'm shutting down.
Reboot me!
Stab me in the heart, so I can remember I have one!
Beat me till I feel pain.
Think I'll jump off a bridge,
Always wanted to fly!
You must think I'm crazy!
Well, you're absolutely right and I wouldn't change it for anything.


- Shammy 2/29/12 11:38am 

Sufi Poet, Rumi and British Street Artist, Banksy

"The minute I heard  my first love story I started looking for you, 

not knowing how blind that was. 

Lovers don't finally meet somewhere. 

They're in each other all along"- Rumi

"You're never alone. I'm there with you. Can't you tell?" He said

My Promise

After all these years, they've finally cleaned it up.
There's only one person in the whole world that knows the significance of this place...
__________________________________________________________________

Haven't been here in over a year. 

Everyday since I've met you, the need for it decreased. 

I thought I was getting better. 

I forgot the dreams I used to have every night, I forgot the darkness.

I thought it wasn't a part of me anymore, but lately I feel

like it is more a part of me than ever I thought it could be.

The dreams that used to haunt me are back. 

I'm scared to close my eyes and see the black.

I don't sleep. I don't eat. Is it just a matter of time? 

I am my own worst enemy. 

I know that. 

But after all is said and done, 

I won't be back. 

     - Shammy 2/26/12 3:48am

Am i always to be second?

It feels like you took something out of me, spit on it, stepped on it, and flushed it down the toilet so that it wouldn't be your concern again till your bathroom overflowed. I'm naively hoping for the best but every night you spend with her I feel like kicking myself. This can't be my type. I deserve more. - Shammy 2/22/12 2:06am

Amar Bangladesh

Amar Bangladesh.. Jonmoor Bhasha.. Prio Bhasha

Bangla is not simply just a language;

It’s a feeling,

A state of being,

An essence.

There’s a beauty in it.

It’s a love that can’t be extracted from me,

Nor can it be explained.

It’s what makes me

Me.

It’s the bhalobasha I feel

Amar bhoker bethore.

The maya I see, when I look at you.

The dukhko, that comes from knowing the potential of my people

Neglected

Because the few in power have been corrupted.  


- Shammy 2/18/12 5:32am 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pVhEoRDn0tk

“Language is the armory of the human mind, and at once contains the trophies of its past and the weapons of its future conquests.”- Samuel Taylor Coleridge, English poet and philosopher

“Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow." 

United States Justice, Oliver Holmes

http://www.un.org/en/events/motherlanguageday/index.shtml

Trust

Am I still in that infatuation period?

Nothing you do seems to make me love you any less.

You muted me today while you spoke to Juju,

Honestly, I felt like it was my duty to be upset

But I just couldn’t do it.

There's this little voice inside me.
It’s a silence that speaks out loud,

In a language I’ve never heard before.

A calmness.

And I know.

- Shammy 2/20/12

Like what I've done with the place?

...

Why are people so quick to judge? 

What kind of a world is it that we live in, 

Where a good deed always has to have an ulterior motive? 

Was I naive all this time? 

Seeing the good in people, that was never there?

- Shammy 2/17/12 3:41am

Valentines Day

Treating myself to chocolatey goodness!  

Absentee

I would rather be lonely alone, than with you.

It’s the worst feeling in the world,

Having someone who isn’t really there.

- Shammy 2/11/12 1:12am 

Untitled

I wish I could take back all the nice things I said.

I wish I didn’t mean them,

But I did.

I do.

It’s different for me.

I hid you, but I gave you everything.

I gave you my whole heart.

And now it hurts,

Because you didn’t give me anything back.


- Shammy  1/31/12 11:11pm 

Asshole New Yorker- Ness

Today, while I was buying a metrocard at the atm machine a woman came up to me. She mentioned for me to buy her a metrocard and offered me a five dollar bill. “4.50, 4.50,” she said. It was first day of classes for me and I wasn’t going to risk being even a minute late. I don’t speak Spanish, I told her. “Ask the teller,” I said pointing to the fat black man sitting inside the 24 hour booth. She nodded and mentioned toward the atm machine, “He say,” pointing to the machine, “he say here.” “I’m sorry, I’m in a rush,” I told her as I finished my transaction and ran for the exit. Now I’m on a bus on my way to class. I definitely won’t be late; I might actually get there ten minutes early. She is probably still waiting in the station for someone to help her. The asshole mta worker didn’t help her, and neither did I. I didn’t know her. Not my problem, right? Funny thing is, she kind of reminded me of my mom, kinthu, ami kono patha denai. - Shammy 1/30/12 2:03pm

My Housemates

Book of Secrets

"Spirit of Womankind"

I write with the pen you gave me.

All my secrets.

My hopes

and ambitions.

The dreams I have of your face.

So dear to me, you are.

And you don't even know it.

-Shammy 1/22/12

The Dream Seller

Tell me a story.

Tell me the tale of lovers who tie bonds of passion

At the wake of midnight,

The moon as their witness.

Tell me of fairies who live in enchanted forests,

Who only leave to grant wishes.

Let me believe in magic

Tell me of a world where dragons fly in the air

Together with eagles, and robins and hummingbirds.

A world were love is real

And class status doesn't exist.

Tell me of the shapanwala’s romance with Moushumi,

The doctor's daughter.

Tell me his name.

Tell me they lived happily ever after.

Tell me of a world where the sun always comes up and greets the people

No matter how small or poor.

Tell me of a world where the birth of a girl is a gift.

Where they are cherished as humans,

Equal but different to men.

Where they aren't used for currency.


Tell me Taslima was welcomed back to her homeland.

Tell me they freed her,

From the past she never deserved,

From hate and judgment.

Tell me they forgave her for telling the truth

About bastards and their snakes.

Tell me a story filled with lies.

Take me to the dream seller,

So that I might smile again.

- Shammy 1/11/12 2:38am

Withdrawal Symptoms

• Shammy-
  
  
  Not too long ago I met a boy,
  Who wore colorful trainers
  And spoke like a leprecon.
  He left the closet door wide open every morning, 
  After taking out a plain button down shirt.
  He had one of those smiles that would light up the whole world. 
  On weekends he dressed like a proper chav
  And purposefully walked like a hoodrat,
  Always did want a g-shock. 
  He loved knives and pork;
  Even so,
  I loved him like a crack-whore loves crack. =)

  
  
  

  January 8 at 2:57am ·  ·  1
• James Lilypad-
  
  
  Not too long ago I met a leprachaun,
  At the end of a rainbow.
  But u might mistake her for a mermaid,
  'Cos she spent forever in the shower. 
  She wouldn't cut her nails after dark,
  Sit on the toilet seat,
  or walk barefoot on the ground. 
  She could make a meal last a week,
  And wasn't sure what a vegetable was.
  She wrote in a book that no one could read, 
  And sang songs that no one could hear.
  And yet,

  Her smile would light up a room,
  And her eyes could pierce your heart.
  I guess that's why I love her like a crack whore loves crack.

  
  
  

  January 8 at 1:38pm ·  ·  1

  
  

  YES! You are absolutely perfect! <3

Pretty Covers

I spy with my little eye a pretty girl.

She has the most wonderful smile,

It makes those around her want to come alive.

When she dances she makes the world stop.

They all want her.

They would go to great lengths to have her,

To be acknowledged by her.

Offering her this and that.

She smiles her most wonderful smile and declines.

What a beauty she is.

But they don’t see what I see.

They don’t see the sadness in her eyes after she laughs,

Or the guilt she feels when there's too much fun to be had.

They don’t see the tears that fall from her eyes

At night,

Alone in her bed.

They don’t see the pain in her veins,

in the dirty blood, that pumps her swollen heart.

The pain that makes her feel ugly and worthless when she looks in the mirror.

Shes coming to the edge now, but they don’t see that either.

No they wont.

She craves and craves.

The whole world loves her but she doesn’t love herself.

She doesn’t understand.

What do they see in her?

She asks herself.

A lost soul waiting on the highway of life.

Waiting.

The answers aren't in her head.

She searches and searches and searches,

But nothing!

And so she waits,

And waits still.

- Shammy 1/5/12 5:01pm